Skinny body shaming

My age is 31 years, height is 5 feet, weight is 40 kgs and I'm a male.

A major chunk of us must be imagining after reading this, "ye kitna dubla hai; phoonk maar do udd jayega; khaana nai khaata kya?; roz gym jaa; roz 10 ande khaa; roz 12 kele kha; arre tu chicken khaa roz..." and the list never ends.

Body shaming has become a part and parcel of our lives. Doesn't matter if it's fat shaming or skinny shaming, or you're a man or lady - body shaming is faced by everyone.

Today's tendency is that girls despise thin guys when talking on a commitment perspective. You may think why and the potential answer could be they are ashamed to walk around with someone skinny.

Who cares about the general public, when your own family, friends and aquaintances body shame you the most?

What does this lead to? You start avoiding people. You fail to realize who's genuinely trying to help. Right recommendations also seem wrong. You lose confidence over yourself.

Why am I saying this? Why am I body shaming myself now? This is for you to know this has made my better half despise me, thereby ending up with unimaginable distances between us.

The best solution could be to stop talking about someone else's body in first place. Either wholeheartedly accept them the way they are, or just stay away. Don't try to change people for such reasons.

Happy birthday Wifey!

We're not together anymore, but here I'm cutting a pastry, wishing you were here.

We have minimal happy memories, but I still cherish them and miss your presence.

Wishing you a very happy birthday and a great life!!

What's the purpose of my life?

I mostly wonder what's the purpose of my life.

On personal lines, I never had a relation. My marriage is a disaster. I'm not so close with my family that I can share my feelings.
My school life was mediocre. My college life was better occasionally but I wasn't happy always.
I'm in the same job for 8 years now and I haven't been in favor of it from day 1, or even before during my college interviews.

I do have a few friends with whom I do share my life, but at the end they will have to move on.

It's correctly said that you have to deal life alone, sooner or later. Maybe I'm given the opportunity to understand this a bit early in life.

As of now, my only ask is to give me an opportunity to serve my country.
I totally despise the fact that I'm giving a lot of effort for other countries via my job.

I wish I live to serve my country in the near future, even if I have a short life.

16th Nov 2018 - first marriage anniversary

Happy first marriage anniversary my dear wife!

I wish we were together. I miss you and still love you.

I hope someday we would be able to reconcile our differences, irrespective of whether we are together or not.

I wish you the best of everything!

9th Nov 2018 - Sister's b'day! (Late post)

Sorry yaar tera post late ho gaya. I'll take you to a trip to compensate.

As I said sometime earlier, you're my 2nd Mom. Do I need say more?

Tera foreign trip reh gaya. I'll plan soon, hopefully before you're next b'day.

I wish you become one of the greatest doctors, practicing in one of the best hospitals in India!

Baaki you know I'm always with you when you need me.

Bas ek request - thoda control your temper and jo galti karta hai usko maaf karke try to start fresh, if given an opportunity. I'm sure you'll manage this with time.

Belated happy birthday!!
Loads of love!!

15th Nov 2018 - Mummy ka b'day!

Happy birthday Mummy!

Mujhe pataa hai aap bohot udaas ho mann mein, lekin apan khush rahenge.. apne bhi khushi ke din aayenge jaldi..

15th Nov 2018

Last year, 15th and 16th November were the 2 most beautiful days of my life, where in my and my wife's families were at Puri for our grand wedding.

My wife is not with me now (we're separated) but I would imagine we're happy and together. I would therefore live these 2 days in the best way possible.
I have plans to go on a solo trip and have a great time.

I still miss my wife and wish we were together.

My dear love, I wish you the best of life, wherever you're.

Karwa chauth

Karwa chauth - the day when a wife fasts for the entire day for a long life of her husband and eats at night only after seeing the moon and the face of her husband.

I generally wonder why is it that only the wife fasts? Can a husband not fast for the wife's long age? How about both of them fasting for each other on this auspicious day?

We have seen in the movies and television perhaps, but I'm sure there are husbands and wives who think this way. I personally do.

Last year, on this day, my to-be-wife fasted for me and I told her I would fast as well, to which she plainly denied. I however personally maintained the fast and had food at night.

Today, when my estranged wife is not in touch with me since almost 8 long months, I still feel for her and did not have food for the entire day, apart from half a glass of milk at lunch. I had food finally after 8 pm, imagining I had seen the moon and my wife. Thanks to my sister who has been supporting and caring for me like my mother, I had delicious sandwiches!

Gaurav, one of my closest friend and well-wisher, called me and the entire friends group to his home for dinner. I just couldn't go though I wanted to, because the thought of my wife missing kills me.

I have seen my friends from being single to legally married and I tend to be jealous of them, which being the only reason I kind of hate joining them for any get-togethers. (I however end up joining them in most of the cases. They don't let me be alone and I just can't deny for the second or third time.)

I thank God and my friends for always being with me and do wish them happiness forever.
I wish my wife happiness forever, wherever and with whomever she stays.

Happy birthday Sid!

I so wanted to call and wish you, but I couldn't given the ongoing situations. Therefore penned down my thoughts here.

Honestly, I haven't seen someone as mature as you at your age. Your nature, behaviour, right amount of calmness & liveliness, interests, diverse knowledge makes you gem of a person. You're like the son and brother everyone would wish to have.

Though I met you as my brother-in-law, I have never considered you less than my own brother.
I wish you flourish and achieve your dreams.

I'm sorry I couldn't be the family member you wished I would be. I might not be personally with you all but do remember that you all have a special space in my heart and no one can get rid of that from me, whatsoever happens in future.

I would expect you to be as you are and take care of yourself and our family.

I hope things get better with time and I stay a part of the family forever.
I miss my wife and all of you.

P. S.: I see you becoming a great man in future, possibly in the civil services area or a business tycoon. I wish you all the best!

Missing my wife - 9th Oct 2018

Not a day goes by when I don't miss my wife.
I miss her presence every moment.

When leaving the house for office or going anywhere outside, I never forget to get a quick glance of her solo pic and our pics in the portrait.

When going to sleep, I again talk to her via the portrait for a few seconds, without fail.

And when I miss her outside home, I check out her pics in my wallet.

I miss caring for her and she caring for me.
I miss hugging her and her presence around me.
I miss hugging her at night before sleeping and kissing her forehead.

My father had a hip replacement surgery a week back and I can see my mother caring him every moment.
I so wish I had someone who would understand me and care for me by all heart. And I on the other hand would do everything possible to keep her happy.

The unfortunate part is that I can't share this with anyone. My family is quite emotional or maybe I would break down in front of them if I speak my heart out.

It's been 30 years already and I never had a commitment, with the thought that my commitment will only be towards my wife. But life seems to have other plans for me.

I hope someone somewhere is made for me.
I hope no one in the world feels such pain, loneliness and longing for a loved one.
I hope my wife comes back to me sometime, even if in the late future.

13th Sep 2018 - Ganesh Chaturthi - a small gesture by me.

I purchased 2 kgs of Motichur laddoo (4 * 500 gms) with the intention of sharing with the office security staff and my colleagues, who were working on a festival day.

I however gave a few to the staff and customers at the sweet shop, and one to the security guard outside the building.

On my way to office, I took a u-turn to share the sweets with a traffic policeman. Found a hospital on the way (which I had recently visited) and gave a box to the security staff over there, asking them to share among themselves.

I then reached the signal and gave a sweet to the policeman, whose happiness knew no bounds.

Moving ahead, I stopped at the police station and shared a box with the staff over there.

Next I had to refuel my car at the petrol pump and ended up sharing sweets with the entire staff over there.

I was next at the office main gate and security check, where in I distributed the left over sweets to them.

Unfortunately I had nothing left for the office building staff/security and my colleagues, who were intended to be the original recipients of the sweets.

But the best part of this entire event was the happiness I saw in the face of those sweet shop staff, the customers, the security outside, the hospital security staff, the policeman, the police station folks, the petrol pump folks and the security folks at my office entrance. Everyone of them was grateful of this small surprise gesture of an unknown person.

I wish some of us do this often, at least on the day of a festival with those who are not privileged to enjoy with the family.

The game called "life".

Life's unpredictable and kind of strange, also funny at the same time.

My age is beyond 30 and I'm married for about 10 months; an arranged one like many others.

I never had a relationship prior to my marriage and I always wanted to be committed only towards the lady of my life, my wife.

Life, however, wanted to teach me a lesson, of not having expectations from life itself. My marriage sustained for hardly 3 months and we have been staying separately after that, eventually on the verge of a permanent separation now.

My personal theory of commitment was shattered by life itself. Not sure if I should say I had a fierce commitment level that stopped me from having other relationships during my bachelor years or I was just being immature with that theory.

I have felt earlier that I'm not meant for family or relations in this life; I'm rather meant for something bigger, with a commitment towards the society instead. This feeling has now grown immensely within me.

Waiting to see life unfold ahead!!

छिप-छिप अश्रु बहाने वालों / गोपालदास "नीरज"

छिप-छिप अश्रु बहाने वालों, मोती व्यर्थ बहाने वालों
कुछ सपनों के मर जाने से, जीवन नहीं मरा करता है |
सपना क्या है, नयन सेज पर
सोया हुआ आँख का पानी
और टूटना है उसका ज्यों
जागे कच्ची नींद जवानी
गीली उमर बनाने वालों, डूबे बिना नहाने वालों
कुछ पानी के बह जाने से, सावन नहीं मरा करता है |

माला बिखर गयी तो क्या है
खुद ही हल हो गयी समस्या
आँसू गर नीलाम हुए तो
समझो पूरी हुई तपस्या
रूठे दिवस मनाने वालों, फटी कमीज़ सिलाने वालों
कुछ दीपों के बुझ जाने से, आँगन नहीं मरा करता है |

खोता कुछ भी नहीं यहाँ पर
केवल जिल्द बदलती पोथी
जैसे रात उतार चाँदनी
पहने सुबह धूप की धोती
वस्त्र बदलकर आने वालों, चाल बदलकर जाने वालों
चँद खिलौनों के खोने से, बचपन नहीं मरा करता है |

लाखों बार गगरियाँ फ़ूटी,
शिकन न आयी पर पनघट पर
लाखों बार किश्तियाँ डूबीं,
चहल पहल वो ही है तट पर
तम की उमर बढ़ाने वालों, लौ की आयु घटाने वालों,
लाख करे पतझड़ कोशिश पर, उपवन नहीं मरा करता है।

लूट लिया माली ने उपवन,
लुटी ना लेकिन गंध फ़ूल की
तूफ़ानों ने तक छेड़ा पर,
खिड़की बंद ना हुई धूल की
नफ़रत गले लगाने वालों, सब पर धूल उड़ाने वालों
कुछ मुखड़ों की नाराज़ी से, दर्पण नहीं मरा करता है।

--गोपालदास "नीरज"